It’s our wedding anniversary today, 36 years ago we said I do. It was a whirlwind romance, exactly the kind of romance you would expect from this impulsive, risk-taking dreamer. He was cautious, hesitant and averse to any kind of risk, the perfect balance then! Despite its spontaneous origins and our polarised personalities our marriage has endured (or in his case been endured) and defied any logic or odds that, on this basis, it would have survived.
Living with me has seemed at times chaotic, capricious, erratic and even effervescent, No two days were the same and he soon realised that life as he once knew it was never going to be the predictable, stable and ordered way it had been. It all suggests it’s a miracle we are here at all. And to be honest, it’s only as I have gotten older and more introspective that I have actually realised this, and it makes me all the more grateful that we made it.
We met while I was working, helping out at a local youth club where he and his cronies were playing indoor football. I was immediately drawn to his smouldering good looks, despite the fact he had a moustache ( it was the 1980’s) Our eyes met across the kitchen server at the Lanthorn in August 1980 and we had our first date in April 1981. ‘Making your mind up’ won Eurovision the night we had our first kiss, after which I certainly had.
The blog title “life’s little dramas” was not a random selection and, it’s been well documented there, that total disaster lurks around every corner, and not only when it comes to holidays. There were so many other events in our marriage that were also predicated on the same dramatic foundation I wonder why we survived them?
During the 36 yrs we have had 5 house moves, none of which he wanted to make. I used all available tactics to ensure I could get what I wanted, Once he came home and there was a for sale sign being erected in the garden. I took him to see our potential second home by torchlight that evening. I persuaded him to move to our fourth house without having sold the third and we ended up bridging for over a year when the housing market crashed in the late 80’s. (Accept that wasn’t my finest decision) Our current home, which was in need of a major upgrade when we bought it, was the closest we have ever come to a divorce but its the one he loves the most and that has secured us financially.
To the onlookers this all might curl your toes, it provides the appearance of a very unequal arrangement; perhaps you see a browbeaten husband who kowtows to his wife’s every whim. Don’t make that mistake because beneath that placid, easy going nature there’s an inner lion. While he is clearly the hesitant one, his calm, considered and thoughtful approach emerges in just the right measure when necessary. He has learned, rather deftly it must be said, to keep me tamed without me even realising it was hapening. A subtle glance, the slight tightening of the lips, the total lack of any verbal response that he knows drives me crazy but buys him the exact amount of time for the impulse to dissipate and for my reflective brain to kick in.
Also in my defence, while my decisions on the surface convey an illusion of being haphazard and ill-considered, there was amidst it all a long term strategy for our future. To give us the best opportunities later in life, required risk, boldness and bravery. He acknowledges that if it was up to him we’d still be in our first home, change was never a welcome activity. And I’ve come to realise that my impulsive decision-making wasn’t the only thing that got us here. All the best partnerships have the right blend and antidotes fundamental to establishing and maintaining equilibrium. His hesitance, pain and even panic amid my endless determination and ambition has ensured we made it in one piece to our destination.
It may have started out as a whirlwind romance, with nothing but hopes and dreams to build on, has been the rollercoaster ride of our lives. But believe that someone has a plan for me and that it was not destiny, no He sent me exactly the man that I needed. Here is to the next 36 years (if we get them) and I cant wait to see what dramas life has for us and what my lion has to cope with next. Love ya❤️